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By Dr. Richard Ing


Every grownup has experienced rejection one time or other in life.   Some are actual, others perceived.  It makes no difference to the human mind.  The effects of an experience of rejection vary from person to person.  Some are so emotionally tough that rejection falls off them like raindrops on a duck’s back.  I’ve seen tough kids get slapped and just run off laughing.  Others are crushed by a harsh stare.  It depends on a person’s emotional makeup.  Some are born sensitive while others are relatively unmoved.

Incidences of rejection can also vary in intensity.  Some people suffer rejection because of abandonment by parents and are placed in a foster home or convent, given to grandparents or relatives to care for, put up for adoption, and so forth.  Others live a seemingly normal life, but receive rejection when a parent favors another sibling.  Some are betrayed by family or friends.  Some feel that a teacher favors another student over them.  Girl rejects boy or vice versa.  The combinations and situations leading to a feeling of rejection are endless. Others experience rejection when their parents divorce.

Scientists claim that less than one-tenth of our brains are actually used.  I watched a TV program that featured a young boy who was involved in a tragic accident and lost more than one half of his brain.  They actually showed pictures of the boy with only one-half of a head.  The back half of his head was gone.  Amazingly, aside from poor vision in one eye, his mental abilities were not affected.  He spoke fluently and intelligently.  It is speculated that the 90% that is unused in reasoning or sensing the physical world is actually used to store up all of our experiences, being a giant memory bank.

A Dr. Penfield wrote the introduction for a book entitled “I’m OK; You’re OK.”  He was a Canadian brain surgeon. With the consent of his patients, he conducted experiments in which the cranium was opened and electrodes placed on certain parts of the central cortex of the brain.  When a tiny current was passed through the electrodes, the patients began recalling certain events of early life that they had completely forgotten.  One woman saw herself in a crib as an infant.  She could smell the food that was being prepared for dinner that night.  Her auntie was playing the piano and singing in the next room.  The patient, who never knew or remembered the song, began singing and reciting the lyrics to the song that her auntie was singing.  She also felt the good emotions she experienced at the time.  She was less than a year old.

As a result of those experiments, Dr. Penfield concluded that the brain stores up all of our experiences, probably even while we are asleep.  Those experiences include not only the physical things and circumstances involved, but also body postures, thoughts, emotions and physical sensations.

Not all memories are the same.  Some memories are particularly vivid and the brain highlights the thoughts and feelings that are associated with those experiences.  We call those vivid experiences “traumatic events.”  A traumatic event is one that threatens either the survival or welfare of a person, or of someone or thing dear to him.  It also includes a threat of severe bodily injury.  A vivid memory, for instance, will involve a bad automobile accident, falling off a cliff, a dog charging at you, etc. A vicarious threat or trauma is the loss of someone or some thing loved by the individual to the point of being identified with the self.  For instance, the sight of a beloved pet being run over, a loved one dying, a home destroyed, etc.

The human mind also considers any rejection of self to be a traumatic experience.  Rejection by loved ones is a threat to life or personal welfare.  Therefore, it stores and highlights everything involved in an experience of rejection, including the circumstances, time of day, sounds, thoughts, emotions, body postures and sensations, the especially the conclusions made by the person.  These memories never disappear; they are stored up in the unconscious part of the mind.

Ever since Adam and Eve rebelled against God and their spirit light disappeared, the self has been deceived into believing that it is the flesh – the physical body.  The self has virtually ceased to be identified with the spirit of man and the Spirit of God.  The first thing Adam and Eve did was make aprons out of fig leaves to cover and protect the flesh.  A major function of the mind is to preserve and promote the welfare and survival of the self.


The human mind uses past experiences to learn how to survive and promote the welfare of self.  If a child touches a hot stove and is burnt, his mind will recall the trauma and stop the child from repeating the experience.  Our deep-down learning experiences are brought about through the thoughts and conclusions we make in our mind when we are confronted by certain situations.  “Do this and do not do that,” is implanted in our minds and hearts through both negative and positive experiences.  While we can learn math and history through books and education, they rarely affect our daily lives in terms of survival and are only secondary memories.  It is said that within ten years after graduating from college, we forget 85% to 90% of what we learned, in terms of recall.  

Traumatic experiences, however, including rejection episodes, are recalled constantly – not in terms of remembering the details of the traumatic episodes, but in controlling our thoughts, emotions and behavior through the conclusions, agreements and thoughts resulting from the episode.  A child may not recall the exact incident of touching a hot stove, but his mind automatically avoids touching a hot stove in the future because his mind concluded earlier not to touch a hot stove in order to avoid an unpleasant result.
That is probably one of the reasons why God uses trials to change us.  Reading the Bible is wonderful and needed, but the word often remains in our brains only and never get down into our heart or spirit (inner parts).  God’s trials designed to teach us something deep within.  We learn through positive memories and thoughts such as:  “God is so good.  He is in total control.  He taught me how to forgive and to love.  I can trust Him and know that He loves me.  He brought me out of  this trial.”  The result of God’s trials is to leave love and faith deep in the inner recesses of our being.  Satan tries to leave the opposite.  


What often control our behavior and lives is our thoughts, agreements and conclusions derived from experiences of the past, good or bad.  For instance, if a person is adopted, or placed in a foster home or given to a grandparent or relative to be raised, the child experiences rejection, which is a threat to his survival or welfare.  He makes certain mental conclusions or agreements with himself.  For example:  “Nobody loves me.  My parents do not love me.  People in authority and people close to you will abandon or reject you.  Do not trust people in authority.  Do not allow people to get close to you, they will only abandon and hurt you.  Do not trust anyone.  I need to prove that I am worthy of love and admiration.  I will show the world that I am somebody who deserves recognition and love.  I hate my mother and father.  Close friends will betray you.  I need to reject others before they reject me.  I will show the world that I am smarter than the leaders.”

In most situations, the person does not consciously reiterate those thoughts, but they are just below the surface and form subconscious attitudes that automatically control his relationships with others.  These attitudes come to the surface every time rejection is sensed, whether real or perceived – like pressing a button.  These thoughts and conclusions are mostly lies from deep within.

Although those attitudes are designed by the human mind to protect the self, they can  be destructive in many ways and lead to anti-social behavior and ultimately to rebellion.


Satan knows the nature of the human mind, especially the natural and carnal mind.  He was there in the garden of Eden planting lies in the minds and hearts of Adam and Eve.  Satan is the father of lies and his demons are lying spirits.  Jn. 8:44.  Whenever a traumatic incident occurs, lying spirits are ready to enter into the minds of victims.  Spirits of rejection reinforce wrong attitudes and use these lies to control lives of people.

Spirits of rejection can enter a fetus in the womb of a woman who has rejected the fetus.  The father of the child can also set the stage for the spirit of rejection to enter.  This is common, for instance, in cases of illegitimacy, or where a couple were not planning on having a child.  Sometimes, they had too many mouths to feed, and not enough money to raise another child, or all the other siblings were already in their teens.  Whatever the reason, one or both parents mentally rejected the child.  That is one of the reasons why adopted children often grow up as juvenile delinquents in spite of having loving, caring adoptive parents.

A woman who tries unsuccessfully to abort her child often opens the door for fear of death, hatred of mother and massive rejection.  The child grows up not trusting mother, fearing all kinds of things such as the dark, people, germs, etc.

Not only do spirits of rejection put lies into a child’s mind during times of trauma, they are the ones who continually whisper into the minds of rejected people, telling them that they need to prove themselves, brag, draw attention to themselves, argue with the leaders, control the people around them, etc.  We see it as pride and witchcraft.  These spirits also lead people into illusions and fantasies.  Many rejected persons see themselves as someone special.  Napoleon was a popular illusion at one time.  Jesus is another.  An apostle or prophet are popular among Christians.  These illusions help them to live in a harsh world that constantly does not recognize their great merit.  “Knowing” that you’re a chosen one helps one to live with yourself.

If rejection is unchecked and progresses to unreality, paranoia may result and ultimately, schizophrenia.  People who have reached this stage see rejection almost everywhere.  In order to protect themselves, they withdraw and harbor suspicions about almost everyone.  A rejected Christian will sit in the pew and imagine that the preacher is picking on them.  Instead of conviction, they feel condemned.  As a result, they begin to reject and rebel against the leaders.  Some rejected people spend lots of time making others wrong and finding fault.  They can become unteachable.


One of the worse results of the Spirit of Rejection is that the victim remains spiritually immature, although he often thinks that he is spiritually gifted and mature.  Christians are called to walk in the Spirit of God and to obey the will of God.  Instead, a rejected person continuously obeys the desires of his flesh.  He exalts himself, seeks self glory and does things out of the desire to gain recognition, admiration and love.  Of course, he is telling himself that he is doing the will of God, helping people, sharing the gospel and dispensing good counsel.  He is unaware of how others perceive him.

A sign of walking in the Spirit is a change in heart attitudes.  It is difficult to ascertain what is in the heart sometimes.  In his book entitled “Crystal Christianity,” Andrew Murray points out that the deceived Christian and the true Christian often appear to be identical side by side.  Both are dedicated, zealous, read the Word daily, pray all the time, come to church events consistently, feed the poor, do good works, evangelize and seemingly obey the Lord.  The difference is in the heart’s motivation.  The true Christian does everything purely out of love with no desire for recognition or reward.  On the other hand, the deceived Christian always has self-reward in mind.  Self is always his motivation.  He is looking for recognition, admiration, glory, position, pats on the back, etc.  He appears spiritual on the outside but is carnal on the inside.  Doing it because it is part of your religion, doctrine or set of beliefs is still carnal.  It honors self.  When the true Christian serves, he does it unto the Lord; when a deceived Christian serves, he does it for recognition or some other reward that enhances self.

    When you walk in the Spirit, you walk in His love and His will.  When you walk in the flesh, you walk in the desires of the flesh.  You either obey the Spirit or you obey the flesh.  Rejected people serve self, mostly.  They find it difficult to love or to accept love from God or others.  To cover up their lack of love for others, they fabricate artificial love through good works, false burdens and concerns , and exaggerated expressions of  “love.”  Some may overuse words such as, “Darling, sweetheart, love.”  Others may lavish gifts and favors on others.  Others may use money to gain favor.  Deep inside, they are empty.

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